allow this site to be a mindful escape
i will consciously help you reconnect with yourself
while simultaneously feeding your seeking mind w/nutrition
remember
whatever you’re seeking out there resides within you...
invitation to turn your attention inward when feeling the need to seek for fulfillment.

taking a daily dose break

putting energy into long-term upgrades on the project

starting with the website.

updates underway. love u

Thursday da 9th

i’ve been super motivated this week leading up
to my set at hot situations on saturday

i feel a shift from “nervous to fuck up”
to “excited to share”

still a bit of nerves, but my well being as a human
isn’t dependent on my performance

i’m using this as an opportunity to experience it all

the anxiety. the self doubt. the self belief.

a big mess of thoughts of emotions - letting them show up
and dissipate without clinging to any of them

i find that clinging to the confidence in ability
opens a door for self doubt to have some serious weight to it

when i let it all flow and come up, without getting attached
it all passes, and i am left in my center

i meaning awareness in this context (and all contexts)
It’s deeper than Lee.

underneath the identity
the emotions
the thoughts
there is a witnessing lens.
with space and grace to experience it all.

that’s us.

ANYWAY - life is great.
Slowing down. Sinking in.

invitation to slow down… kusht - jungle excess
youtube link

love u.

Wednesday May 8

Oops, looks like I didn’t write anything yesterday.

today we’re planting some health seeds.

this is the video for hip mobility, as far as I’m concerned

first day I tried this, I felt completely defeated
lately, I’m starting to feel the progress

HIGHLY RECOMMEND

monday may 6

gooooood afternoon lovely people

had a nice day with family in NY yesterday
parlayed that with stopping by superior ingredients
to see armen miran and borella play

borella’s been on my radar for over a year now
just got a vibe about her, and the vibe was correct
she’s amazing, highly recommend checking her out
instagram | soundcloud

armen miran played incredible as well

damn i love a good sunday day time party

what i want to expand upon is the importance
of “ice breakers” in social settings

i’m noticing a reoccuring theme where i’m
sending some vibes to someone on the dancefloor
and they are not open to play with me -
that’s totally fine, nothing against you

but there’s this inherit “no” feeling -
which i respect

however, these same people that energetically say “no”
on the dancefloor, become my BEST BUDDIES
after we’ve been introduced by a trusted “friend-of-a-friend”

clearly i’m a connection whore
and i feel i balance my desire to connect
pretty well with accepting when people don’t want to connect

however… my instinct feels that we’re aligned

i subtly say hello in my own way on the dancefloor
it’s a clear no… all good

3 hours later, your friend introduces us
and within minutes we’re hugging, laughing, connecting

that’s all i ever wanted

can’t force it

but witnessing how much an ice breaker changes everything

i try to be that ice breaker for you and my friends

don’t expect you to do the same, just shining light
on my observations

BIG HUGs PEOPLE - smooth monday tune.. till von sein - june too (youtube)

first friday of this may

happy friday!

loads of new releases today - i leave you with these 3:

Meera (NO) - Blomst [Crib Records] - spotify
been drooling over this release all month, super stuff

Baby’s Dreamride (Remixes) [Wuza Berlin] - spotify | soundcloud
sweet remix album, every track has it’s own personality

avem, christopher schwarzwalder, ouhana, matchy
jan oberlaender, HOVR, REGLER on remix duties

Supermarkt Remixes [Keller] - spotify | soundcloud (only has 3 of the remixes)
dope sounds on here

prins thomas, ost + kjex, ana helder
mijo, amount taking remix doodies

bonus track
hernan cattaneo, hicky + halo - distant memories
spotify | youtube

writing this Thursday night after a big knicks win

i used to love sports

last 7 years, haven’t cared much at all

apparently that changes when the knicks are good

basketball is one of my first loves
hip hop second
knicks maybe third

GO KNICKS

happy friday beautiful people
have a lovely day

thursday may 2

just had a deep phone call with a friend

literally the perfect medicine for everything he told me
is in the big leap

his life is expanding
he doesn’t feel he deserves it

he wants to turn away and avoid

i lightly encouraged him otherwise

he usually doesn’t listen to my loving advice
so i have to be very gentle

today was different

as much as i’ve wanted him to see his own light
he was never willing to see it for himself

today he opened the door open a crack
and i got to experience that with him

so beautiful

sharing with you, everyone has their own journey

big hugs… groove to this

umbra - walk! walk! walk! - youtube

wednesday may 1

bone thugz n harmony - 1st of tha month

4 months concluded in 2024

while there’s plenty in my life i’m working on
if i look back at where i was 4 months ago

goddamn, we doing great

my homies are rising as well
sending you big love
let’s keep this momentum rollin’

techno tuesday + happy birthday pete!

DYNAMICS OF A HUG

i had a super special hug at the zero party

mind you, prior to this hug
i shared at least 16 beautiful hugs
but this one in particular opened a door for me

worth noting, i took a 1/2 tab of lsd for this party
i was feeling centered, super open
receiving and sendings LOTS of love at this party
a crazy amount… moved to tears a few times

anywho..

at this point it’s probably 5 am
i’m chillin at the courtyard stage
and this man is making his way towards me
with a smile and a beautiful vibration

i have to be honest
i don’t know your name brother
i wasn’t even positive that we met before
but in this moment, everything about your
essence was a yes to me

the smile
the excitement in seeing me
my heart felt safe

he was making his way through
the crowd and i grabbed his hand
to pull him closer to me
parlayed that hand grab into a hug

i went in with super excited love energy
he matched my energy in the hug

for me, this allows me to go deeper into intimacy
and i did..

i went deeper into the hug
and he followed

at this point, it wasn’t a FULL BRO 96% energy hug

it was more like a 88% strong, sustainable hug

woah…

within seconds, i shifted from excited
masculine energy, to soft.. allowing myself
to be held, feminine energy

i could sense he knew what was going on
and he continued to hold the 88% energy
while i sunk into 10% softness

fuck me…

this was one of the most beautiful moments of my life

i just let it all flow right through me
cried a river on that man’s back

it’s a combination of all the excitement
from the party, but more than that
it’s a release of all the suffering i feel
not only in myself, but in others

i see the sadness underneath the drug induced smiles
i feel into the pain that people are carrying

while protecting my own energy, i get high
off of helping you carry some of that pain
i truly do

in this hug, i was given a chance
to lean into love and let it all wash through me

wow. what can i say.
that was like sex.

the hug naturally ended
i looked at dude with my face covered in tears
and we both shared a “holy shit” facial expression

absolutely LOVE IT

gotta provide a nice emotional tune for this
ryan davis - brun (matthias meyer remix)
spotify | youtube for my homie

last monday in april

super fulfilling musical weekend in new york

Guy J Friday
Zero Community Saturday

something i found interesting from the weekend

during guy j’s set my ‘predictive dance moves’
were WRONG more than ever

meaning, at the end of a 8 bar loop, i’m generally anticipating
a new direction in the track, and i’m usually right (82%)

with guy j, i was right like 44% of the time

his sequencing was just different

maybe it’s a progessive house thing
maybe it’s a guy j thing, can’t say for sure

but i was impressed, massively by this

when i came to the Zero party on saturday
after spending 5 hours calibrating to guy j’s flow
everything felt very predictable in terms of sequencing

it felt so easy to predict when the tracks were dropping
or about to introduce a new sound

made me appreciate guy j even more

great time. lots of love and connection.
now it’s time to get back to work.

happy monday family :)

this one had me grooving all day on friday:
dino lenny - loose control (tea with quincy mix) spotify | youtube

SEND IT

PS. new york needs to step up their audio engineer game
massive inconsistencies from stage to stage
not only does this blow for a music lover
it blows for the dj’s who play on the shitty sound system
and everyone goes to the stage that’s bumpin’ cripsy and clear
big issue.

friday in the family

i’ll do this one public so people have an
idea of what’s going on friday in the family

it’s thursday night and i’m using
the indian spotify account to build
the playlist for friday’s releases

139 new releases added : )

you should have the link for the beatportify_family playlist
it was send via email after signing up on kofi

if you’re interested in supporting me and
signing up for the family you can do so here

anyway, there’s a ton of releases i’m loading
onto the playlist and i want to highlight some
of the standouts for u

oceanvs orientalis album - 9 tracks, crosstown rebels - sounds great so far

intro on the gidge ep is sooooo nice - instant love, it’s called gausta

this althoff - neblina project on marginalia is tripping me out nice
believe this is elif’s label as well, bonus points
(confirmed, it is her label)

my favorite track so far is mairos - agenda

this solus - self love ep is super clean, all 3 tracks

throw on mishell - lightweight when you’re ready to SEND IT

happy friday fam

EDIT.. one step closer to the huberman lab visit hahaha

thursday, april 25

better late than never..

i felt a bit scared after posting my rant on instagram about cameras

i think for most of my life my main priority was ‘not disturbing your vibe’
which led to me not always speaking my truth fully, sort of holding it in

anyway, this is something i’m stepping into and felt like sharing that with you

most responses to my video were supportive/agreeing

i had a friend in the scene share a different
perspective and i’d like to share it here

It’s a fair point but the hard truth is that daytime gigs in full sunlight are hard to come by for most artists (because this industry exists in the dark). Dark club content doesn’t do well on socials. As shitty as it is DJ’s like Mira need to take full advantage of filming those sets because artists today are basically slaves to the social algorithms.

Socials is how artists grow. As an example the event might have 500 attendees but something no like 10-20X that number of people are going to see the content online) the gig happens more online than it does IRL. The artists that choose to deprioritize social content do so at their own peril (and what you end up with are a bunch of shitty DJ’s who happen to be good at social media who get all the gigs) It’s a catch 22. You don’t do it and you lose momentum or you do and you risk alienating the dancers.

There’s no easy way out of this

Take the Innervisions guys as an example. (Jules, Stephan, Christian specifically) each of those guys sell out huge venues and they combine for like 300 total Instagram posts between the three of them… That just won’t work for any new artist coming up today. Those guys grew their brand over decades by consistently delivering great sets. If they were born 20 years later and tried to grow the old fashioned way they would be smothered and killed before they ever really got a chance to show what they were capable of. Right now there is some kid out there who has the potential to be the next Dixon but if he chooses to deprioritize socials his project will die in the crib.

he ain’t lying

there’s still a fire in my heart that’s like, fuck that

hahaha, forreal though, we got the power - we have to come together.

any way, i’m gonna sit with everything he said
and let it marinate

i’m always looking for other perspectives
particularly those i don’t exactly agree with

big love to u, whoever u r

andddddd let’s play this one today - crussen - geoffrey rolls (youtuber)

EDIT

maybe i stop resisting the reality - that social media is important for artists that i care about
and start putting energy into gathering the fans to boost the algorithms ..

ha, look at that, i didn’t know how to spell that shit so i googled it
and i see clearly that we need to put the rhythm in algorithm

i gotta sit with this, but it feels like we pimp the system and boost our homies up

wednesday april twenty fo’

feeling fantastico

used the first batch of family contributions to sign up for a yoga studio
gone to class everyday since, the energy is moving
THANK U

as always, many factors at play - however, i want to highlight
a book that’s been a guiding force in my recent development

gay hendricks - the big leap

i’ve posted an overview below (btw incredible youtube channel)

3 people i’m close to have started reading the big leap
and it’s having a profound impact on their lives

another beautiful aspect is that
we all speak this vocabulary now

this is deeeeeeply powerful within
a community/group of friends

communal language… we ride the wave together

check it out.. or not, love u either way

track for the day… what a canoe it is… axel boman - 1979 (youtube for neon dots)

PS neon dots is a superhomie.. lovely human.. and hell of an artist - check my brother out - soundcloud

techno TUESSSSSDAY

whattup fam, sending you lots of love.

i’m about to share a “blog post” that i just rediscovered, written back in 2021.

if i were to write this story today, i may use some different vocabulary, however…

i think there’s value in letting my pain in that moment express itself

this may give you a better idea of what i’m so passionate about, in regards to community/music scene/spirituality stuff

sometimes i feel like “people in the scene” are scared to call out bullshit
because their well being and career sort of depends on it
well, this is what i’m here for
not to intentionally find reasons to talk shit
but to call out bullshit when i feel it, from a place of love
but this blog has some anger in it… anyway here is what i titled “fake ass shit in tulum”

——————————————————

Burning Man Camp has a venue on the beach, to be clear it was a lovely space.

The decorations are beautiful, pretty on the outside, but what about the vibe on the inside?

Not many people there, super hot model type chicks and dudes in fancy ass clothing.  I felt out of place.

I couldn't get eye contact from anyone, I would enter their field and it was like I didn't exist. 
I only felt this in 2 other places in my life - Budva, Montegnegro and Berlin.

Budva it was like super rich russians that were in another dimension, they didn't even see me.

In Berlin is was this weird, too cool for school click-y-ness type of thing. 
It left an awful taste in my mouth about Berlin, mostly because of my expectations -
thought this was the land of free spirits and accpetance of all. 
Didn't feel that.

Will return for more Berlin, Budva no thanks.

Now the difference is, in Budva, I didn't give a shit about those rich people.

In Tulum and Berlin, I was trying to fit in with the crowd and ended up feeling inadequate. 

This is ultimately on me, as Peter Crone says - no one can make you feel inadequate, they can only reveal to you how you view yourself.

Any way back to tulum - I was in search of a lighter and I couldn’t get anyone to even acknowledge my existence.
The only person I can make eye contact with is the bartender, a cool mexican dude of course. 
He gives me a lighter, and I'm wondering wtf are you doing working here.

So let's be clear, everyone can live how they want to live, if you only want to interact with certain people, that's your right.

But don't hold that energy and then go on instagram preaching about spiritualism and how we are all one.  ITS BULLSHIT.

Let me explain how bullshit it is.

There's a popular dude in Tulum, from Berlin.  He's quite well known and everyone thinks he's cool - he actually is cool.

This guy loves me.

When he shows up to the party he comes over to me and gives me a hug, starts introducing me to people.

Now some of the same people who wouldn't acknowledge my existence 20 minutes ago are buttering me up.  OH HEY WHATS UP WHERE ARE YOU FROM?  OHH REALLY?? COOL.

Oh now you're interested in me? GET THIS FAKE ASS SHIT OUT OF MY FACE.

As you can tell this really pisses me off.

I'm never trying to expose any individuals, and again, this is just my personal perspective so it's not factual information.  

However, I think it's important we discuss this more openly. 
This fake ass portrayal of spiritualism and love. 
It's words, not embodiment.  

A few of these people are the same ones with over 200k followers on instagram preaching this shit to you. 
And you may be eating it up, because you don’t know any better.

In fact, to be honest, I don't think THEY know any better. 
I don’t think they're doing it on purpose.

It's all about your internal relationship with yourself. 
If you’re good internally, and open, you will likely make eye contact and share a smile with a human being who approaches you.
If you can't do that at a party, then I think you should drop the spiritualism ‘we are one’ bullshit.

The dangerous part here is that dumb dumbs like me at 29 years old were looking up to these people, thinking they're cool. I let myself feel like I wasn't good enough because the cool kids wouldn't include me.  

These motherfuckers aren't cool.  This is not a good representation of love or what electronic music means to me and I will fight for that. 

MONDAY APRIL 22

i feel like a new man! love it

thank you to everyone who showed support these past days, a new chapter is upon us.
i’m feeling alive.

Today I want to plant a seed for you to check out Gay Hendrick’s “The Big Leap”

This book dives into the concept of upper-limiting which suggests that we
have a thermostat which is measuring the amount of positive energy/love we receive

Subconsciously, we have a belief of how much love we deserve.

When things start going well in life, the internal thermostat feels that we’re receiving too much love
and we subconsciously find a way to self-sabotage in order to level off to what we believe we deserve.

This keeps us in a loop of playing small and staying in a “safe space.”

The shit is DEEP.

It’s hitting me in ways I never would’ve inspected myself.

Currently reading this book with 2 friends and it’s changing all of our lives.

Planting a seed for you to check it out.

BIG LOVE SENDING HUGS FROM JERSEY.

here’s a tune for your monday _ mary j blige - be happy
(youtube link for andres lol)

friday the 19th

family is live, check it out here

thursday the 18th

tomorrow we launch army of love’s intimate project - ‘the family’
i’ve thought about this for about 4 years now and it’s time to send it

i’ll be explaining more and more about this over the next weeks, but in short- this is the vibe

previously written in a brain dump about the vision…

I want to highlight everyone who has something to share.
That could be an online coaching business.
A yoga retreat. A new business you’re launching.

The mission is to attract people who are looking for connection…
who also cherish dope ass music, dancing, letting loose and being kind
I will create spaces for vulnerability.
the underlying why is to bring people closer to themselves - like a dancefloor we share the space yet have our own journey
I’ll do tons of stuff online - but it’s time for in person hangs.

Most gatherings will be 4-16 people for the first year, I want to be delicate with the intimacy.
Sure, we’ll do “city take overs” where 40 of us get airbnbs and explore a city for 4 days with some parties mixed in

HOWEVER. my main interest is on transformation and potential friendships/partners in business/dream projects via intimate experiences.

The entire point of the project is intimacy.
If 25,000 people sign up and I make 2 million dollars, but the intimacy was gone - I’d be very upset.

I want the experiences money can’t buy - it’s a level of openness… and it’s quite casual honestly, it doesn’t have to be super deep all the time. It almost always gets deep, but it’s the goofiness and kindness which opens the door for the emotional trauma to feel safe to come up.. then you get to release a piece of something you’ve been storing for years, we hold space for that.. we dance it off, cry it out, hug it in, dance some more, more hugs… rinse and repeat brothers and sisters. can’t force it, but i know how to create space for it.. at least in small groups.. one step at a time. worth noting, this isn’t a “chasing peak experiences” project either. not grabbing at transformation either.

i think rick ruben said something like… you don’t get to decide how the seed grows, but you can create an environment to nurture its growth - that’s the idea. no force, lots of intention.

in the end, integration is the true medicine at work. we’ll be putting an emphasis on putting you in the best position to apply the experiences to your day-to-day life.
bringing new awareness and love back to your home, corner stores, workplace, streets, communities.. it’s all connected

over time we’ll establish all types of beautiful connections, support, collaborations, marriages and just a big ass family.
all the meanwhile guiding the ship towards self acceptance and authentic expressions of love.

big hugs, much love. peace.

lee

techno tuesday 6 years.

i want to dedicate this techno tuesday to a special being

it’s rare and incredibly special when i meet someone
who stretches my capacity to be goofy and play

i’ve met many play partners, but it’s rare
that someone offers a vibration that allows me
to expand beyond what i knew was possible in myself
in regards of letting go and just being a kid

in less than an hour spent together
the most impactful inner child master
i have ever encountered
left a life long impression on me

i always called him ‘the garbicz creature’
but he also had a human name

Daniel Zuur

in the brief time i spent with daniel
my perspective of life was shifted

he guided me to a new level of play

i’ve always been quite playful and curious
but this man was levels deeper in that vibe
than i ever imagined was possible

we spent a morning in the magical polish forest
literally turning into children
it was the most child like interaction i’ve ever had

i don’t remember all the details
i do remember the feeling

it’s called love

after garbicz, we stayed in touch
sending each other goofy videos
and heartfelt messages on a weekly basis
he was the super goofy and sensitive friend
i never really had

i felt a special flavor of love with daniel

a potent spice i never experienced with anyone else

as i walked around new york yesterday
contemplating how to celebrate techno tuesday
the creature entered my mind
the energy flowed to my heart
and tears poured down my face

walking around times square
listening to confetti
hysterically crying
with a bit of a smile
and snot running down my face

daniel would be proud.

though he’s not here in the physical space
that man will always have a reserved spot in my heart

my goofiness has intention

the intention is to disarm your defense mechanisms
to help you let loose and let down the judging ego mind
to transmit energy and love in a way that is warm to receive

if you’ve ever received my goofy-love-enery
whether in person, or on the internet

i want you to know that daniel is in there

it’s all connected

energy never dies

happy techno tuesday.

monday.

damn, that was one of the deepest weekends i’ve had in awhile.

i can feel the past version of myself peeling off like a snake shedding its skin.

seemingly every day, a little bit further.

the new skin.. it’s fresh
it’s sensitive
it’s durable
i like it
i love it

buckle up people, change is constant
we’re gonna learn how to surf it

released a lot of energy this weekend
and somehow mom was all up in it

celebrating nikie curac today, and forever

let’s live a life that would warm our mother’s hearts
that doesn’t imply being successful or creating great things
this implies feeling good about yourself
momma always knows…

anthony hamilton - mama knew love

friday.

the dude who sexed me… continues to own me

i thought there was NO WAY anything would get in the way of me seeing Guy J…

to be honest, i’ve never seen Guy J and i don’t want my first time to be in a club - it should be open air

having said that.. i don’t know what i’m gonna do now…

thursday april 11

big wave of stress.

if i’m honest, sometimes i need a fire lit under my ass to get shit done
the fire is here
my ass is burnt

taxes + a zoom renewal + a deposit for a upcoming party i’m planning = lee in debt

before i go on, i want to make it clear that i accept 100% of responsibility for being in this position

i’ve been living in a state of scarcity, in regards to money
since before covid

i’ve known it
it’s completely effected my life
my ability to show up for others
my dearest relationships

i’ve been avoiding
coping with coping mechanisms that need coping mechanisms (path to disease)
weed
tobacco
sexual addiction / porn
sugar
internet / social media
binge eating
biting nails

yea… this has been a long time coming

and ultimately, i feel it’s directly correlated to my self worth

tear shed.
another.

it’s not victim time, but
i will feel this sadness i’ve been avoiding

it hurts. i’m not even sure why

deep down, i know i’m incredible and bla bla bla

but somewhere, i am blocking myself from receiving

never knew how to “productize” myself

i just wanted to be of service, and be appreciated and compensated
but i never really made the ask - for compensation

sure, i launched the army of love patreon years back
with the expectation that people couldn’t wait to support me
but when only a few showed up, i felt completely discouraged
i’m not good enough, apparently
says the voice in the head

i do want to say THANK YOU HUGELY to the 16 people who did sign up for patreon
you have no idea how much i appreciate you

point is, i didn’t STAND on it
i gave up after people didn’t initially show up

now i find myself in a position where it feels best to cancel the future party
i can barely pay my taxes
i’m living with my dad
and i’m stressed about going to my friend’s birthday dinner because i have -$13

TRUST THE UNIVERSE

i’m stressed, but all the breathwork and meditation practice
is now actually being used in the game

this was a long time coming… years

i’m grateful for the discomfort
time for change

love u

music for us

wednesday april 10

back to story mode, continuing monday’s daily dose

i meet up with harsh, dysco, riyoon, sydka and bawab

within 20 minutes of the dinner, my voice is gone…

dinner’s lovely
we finish up and walk over to the club

funktion one sound system, big sound…
however, in my opinion it was not tuned well
(65% of my function one experiences in mexico/usa have this same story)

the sound is STRONG, but it’s not balanced
and in my opinion it’s too loud

some of you may know this
i am deaf in my right ear
been this was since i was 4 years old

even with ear protection…
i could feel early on in the party, if i stay
i am damaging my ears

bit of a predicament
as i will listen to my body in these circumstances

i didn’t have a voice
so i opened up my notes app and wrote…

“in my opinion, the volume is too loud - what are your thoughts?”

i then showed this message to 6 people:
2 DJs who were about to play
2 homies
2 randoms

all 6 agreed that the music was too loud

i wrote a new message and walked over to harsh

“hey brother, i feel the volume is a tad bit high
i polled the audience and everyone agrees”

without even responding to me
he went to the DJ booth and turned the volume down

to me, this was a beautiful moment

i swear to god i prevented a room full of ear damage
and headaches by simply expressing my perspective

i also felt safe to stay in the club

about an hour later a woman who i previously met at hot situations arrived with 2 of her friends

WOAH - LOVEFEST 2024

we had a nice connection at hot situations
and it deepened in this night
what a lovely lady

it was funny because when i met her, it was fresh
she didn’t know anything about the army of love project

however, the 2 dudes she came with - KNEW ALL ABOUT ME

i didn’t see that coming

we were all dancing together
FULL OF SMILES

and this big man comes over to me and says

”brother.. i’ve been watching you online for
5 years and know i finally get to dance with you
this is a dream for me”

his friend comes over and expresses the same

THESE ARE MY FAVORITES

HUGE HUGS - i'm talking GORILLA GRIP

i went on to drop even deeper into goofball/love mode
and had the time of my life with this trio

at this point, riyoon had started his set and GOOD LORD HOLY MOLY

that shit was therapy

i haven’t heard downtempo on a BIG SYSTEM in years
and i totally forgot how fucking amazing it is

WE WERE CUTTING IT UP ON THE DANCEFLOOR

my hot situations friend kept looking at me and saying
this is better than any therapy session i’ve ever had

INCREDIBLE

as the night goes on, a bunch of registered characters started showing up

registered character - someone you KNOW - but you haven’t really met them yet
you’ve both registered in each other’s minds, as a safe space, but haven’t had the chance to go deep yet

i was excited, but a bit bummed that i didn’t have a voice

well, it turns out that writing on the notes app was a MUCH better vehicle for communication any way

1) i spoke WAY less, only wrote a message when it was really important
this made me realize how much bullshit we spew out of mouth just because of anxious energy

2) when i did write a message to someone - they read EVERY WORD
i’m a big big big big big fan of listening, and i’m generally disappointed by humans
this was different with the notes app, they received every word

3) there was a moment when a woman came in and she looked TOTALLY out of place
i was going to write a joke and show it to my friend
but as i was typing it, i had enough time to realize that what i was writing wasn’t nice
it wasn’t love.. it was hate… i mean it was funny, but at the expense of someone else
so, i didn’t write it

the guy

then there was this dude, he was giving me kylo ren vibes

for a few moments, i legit thought it was the actor that plays that dude
it wasn’t. i don’t think…

ANYWAY - this fucking guy, WOAHHH

he had something about him - his movement and flow was INSANE

we were vibing off each other on the dancefloor and i felt like i was feeding his fire
he started kinda slow and i felt like i was energizing him…

well, after about 2 minutes, it was hard to keep up

THIS DUDE WAS GOING!!!!!

fuckkkkk i remember it so clearly
trying to keep up with him

i was PUSHING THE LIMIT

i swear i was inches away from tearing my ACL or really hurting my knee
but i could feel the edge, i was on it

never in my life have i had this experience on this level

could only compare it to sex - i was fully immersed in his energy
my mind was gone - except for flashes when it would hop in and say HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THIS?

one of the highlights of my life, that simple.

i felt inspired to get into shape
simply to deepen the music/body connection

i could feel my out-of-shapeness getting in the way of deeper flow
still a great time, but you know if you know

later in the night i wrote him a note to express my gratitude for his essence

he loved it.
exchanged info.
invited me to a party he’s organizing friday.

such a lovely night
ended up going to an afterparty with the homies

the afterparty was ehh for me, B-

stayed there for a few hours
ubered to my car at 8am
pick my brother up in park slope at 9am
brother drives
we pick up dad at the train
start our road to rochester

i felt a little bad about having no voice / energy
once i got to my family, but they were cool about it

slept in the back seat the whole ride
in an awkward ass position
i still have a stiff neck from that shit
worth it…

proper night - but honestly, i cannot afford to be going out like this consistently
body needs rest, body gets rest

next party is likely Guy J April 26 for me.
see u there.

love u,
lee

riyoon_change of plans

techno tuesday

not today.
softness, love and rest is being asked for

khalid. another sad love song

monday the 8th aka eclipse dawns upon us

Good morning beautiful.

Drove 5 hours north to Rochester, NY with my brother and dad to be in line for the total eclipse.
Feels nice to be with family, tapping into nature.

anyway, back to lower case mode… saturday was one for the ages and i shall write a recap -
this one’s gonna be long, i’m going to freestyle

this was a big weekend for me - i already had this rochester trip planned months in advance

aionia was throwing the katermukke showcase friday night (animal trainer, nicone, dirty doering)
then they had an official after party from 4-11am on saturday

saturday night, my friend harsh (runs the samsara collective) - was throwing a downtempo party -
featuring artists that i not only love sonically, but i’ve become friendly with over the years on instagram:
riyoon, bawab, sydka

i was excited about katermukke, but more excited about samara with the homies…
and even more excited about eclipse with my dad and brother

now… that’s too much excitement for me

meaning, i knew deep down i couldn’t do all this shit and maintain presence throughout each experience

the play was obvious - skip friday night, full send saturday.

i coordinated with my best friend emily, who lives in brooklyn

i’m going to SLEEP early friday night
wake up at 430am
stretch a little bit
make some coffee
hit the road before 5
prepared a playlist for the commute the night before
pick up emily at 605
get to katermukke after party before 7
hang til 11
drive to williamsburg
get brunch
smoke blunts (spliffs)
go back to emily’s spot
rest all day
find lsd
take a 1/2 tab at 10pm
(enough to keep me awake til 8am, but not still high)
hit up the samsara party
stay up til 8am
pick up my brother in brooklyn
let him drive as i rest on the ride to rochester

that was the plan
most of it happpened
minus the lsd

so i woke up, stretched, made a little coffee
hopped in the car, put on the playlist
had 2 super meditative tracks lined up
then an rnb thumper i’ve been wanting to bump on the highway
timed it perfectly
it hit
we groovin

anyway, i pick up emily - we head to the afters

get there, vibe is cool
not spectacular, but cool

had i been alone, not sure how much i would’ve enjoyed myself

since i was with emily, shiiiiiit we just started crushing the dancefloor

felt so nice.. sober, fresh energy dancing with my homegirl

i briefly got to connect with nicone + dirty doering individually
very nice guys - short exchange, but full of love and appreciation
(i love these short exchanges)

my morning turned into a bit of a stretch/intentional body movement session for me - LOVED THIS

can’t stress it enough - i feel this is how we should be partying.

you wake up at 4am, with that same feeling of waking up for an early sunrise hike.. or a 5am flight to mexico-
you’re tired, but there’s something exciting pulling you forward

then you slowly wake up
into your natural energy
circadian rhythm style
by 9am you are SUPER FRESH

then take some k and hit that spliff if u want -
much different than energetically limping into an afterparty with 0 sleep

anyway, we met some cool people, had a nice time, left by 10.30

drove to willamsburg, got breakfast and coffee
time for rest…

spent the day time resting.. planned to show up to samsara when doors open at 10pm

around 6pm, harsh texts me and invites me to the artist dinner before the show, at 8

as i read the text, i feel a full body yes for the dinner - excitement brewing.

i drive over to dinner and i experience what is in my opinion the GREATEST perk of the army of love project.

i get to meet humans i’m excited to meet
and they’re excited to meet me

it’s hard to put into words how beautiful this is - especially now that i’ve settled into it a bit.
you see at first, i was putting these artists on a bit of a pedestal
let’s say there was a level of “star struckness” on my end

for example.. the first time i was meeting ben bohmer in person -
i was like a little fucking girl meeting leonardo decaprio in the titanic era

the funny thing, is that when i met ben - his girl friend was the most start struck person in the room
she couldn’t BELIEVE she was actually meeting… me

plot twist

it boosted my ego, but you have to understand
from my perspective, these are “healthy ego boosts”

it’s not boosting my ego to a place of pretentiousness

it’s actually boosting my ego from a broken place, to a place of acceptance

on our journey… people like me need ego boosts every once in awhile

anywhooooo…. nowadays, i still admire these artists, but i see them as humans
no better, no worse - just different and beautiful in their own way

i show up to the dinner and these guys are FULL of smiles as i walk in the door

LOVE is in the air

i then get to experience 6 deep hugs with everyone there…
at this point my cup is full, and starting to overflow

………………… taking a break for now, as i want to rush the end of the story, and the best juice is yet to come………

to be continued, on techno tueday…

song for intermission.. jay z - blueprint (momma loves me)

friday the 5th

good morning homie.

new music playlist here - beatportify

i’ve spent the last week marinating in rnb, hip hop, jazzy, funky shit -
and the electronic music aintttttt really hittin me the same at the moment

breezed through the new releases and it just felt a bit… repetitive

maybe it’s me!

anywho - sending you loads of love today
the sun is shining, this lifts my spirit

heading to upstate new york this weekend to get in position for the eclipse on monday

SEND IT

this tune makes me want to drive a convertible and let my hair fly… alice phoebe lou - shelter

thursday april 4

went for a jog yesterday
the first 3 minutes were hell
i wanted to turn around and lay in bed

i stuck it out, pushed through
and sure enough
around minute 5
i hit a nice flow

i was running with minimal resistance
and kept that going for 12 minutes or so

the point is… there’s usually a bit of suck before you sink into that pocket/flow

could be a run
could be tossing frisbee with a friend
could be editing a video
could be mixing tracks

could be waking up this morning.

i felt like ass.
straight up ass.

i wanted to roll over..
grab my phone
get lost in nonsense
smoke a cig
have a coffee
go back to sleep…
all to escape the ass-ness i was experiencing

but no.. i just waited it out for like 15 min and then had a fantastic morning

proud of myself for sticking in there.
reporting the lightness on the other side of the ass-ness.
it’s there, waiting.
be with the experience, whatever it is.

be strong my friends! we got this.

poppy shit this morning, let’s go gogogogogogogogo

glass animals - the other side of paradise

wed april 3

banger that resonated with me from michael singer yesterday…

you are neither suppressing, nor expressing - you are experiencing.

here’s an audio clip for more reference:

here’s access to my collection of lectures/courses/etc.. here

this particular clip is from michael singer / 6 The Predicament and the Spiritual Path.mp3

love u!
peace.

techno tuesday

hello sweet humans,

i’m on day 4 or 5 of no jerking off
day 2 or something of no smoking
day 9 of minimal instagram

let’s just say that i’m stepping away from my main character addictions (tobacco, weed, porn, internet validation, sugar) - without tooooooo much rigidness

and… IT’S BEEN HELL!

which is great… all the repressed emotions and energy i’ve been ducking away from are seeping up, and i’m feeling the suck

today i kind of enjoyed the suck.. i could feel the bigger picture at play, and it felt great

progress for sure…

underneath it all, i’m still broke as fuck and not feeling clarity on what i want to do for money…
this has literally been an every day stress for me, over the last 4-5 years… MONEY

money money money money money

today, i let it go, and focus on space and grace.

randomly typing here, don’t know if this shit even makes sense to anyone, but this is coming straight from the heart, no edit, no theasarus baby we just sending it.

i love u. hope you’re doing well.

if you’re going through it, believe me, you ain’t alone.

if you’re just hiding from it all and living in a low key hell, believe me, i’ve spent a LOT of time there

if you want to lean into yourself but can’t seem to do it alone, hit me up, let’s get it

email me here

love u.

here’s a song for u. axel boman - don’t breathe yet

MONDAY APRIL 1

good day and happy april beautiful people

this saturday i spent the day with my dad

we had plans to visit his telescope club for a lecture on the upcoming eclipse,
then go to the mall to ask t-mobile some questions about his internet plan

before we left the house, i decided to leave my cell phone at home for this trip

i felt tension for most of the day

it eerily reminded me of my last ever lunch with my mom - 2018 blog post about that

on one hand it was sad - i could feel the resistance to simply being present throughout the day

on the other hand, i felt like i was in the gym of presence - getting reps, getting stronger

here’s how i see it..

if you have “un-met” emotions floating around inside of you,
and you’ve been using a cell phone as a pacifier for 10+ years..

when you take that pacifier away, the baby is going to cry

the emotions are going to slowly present themselves,
how much capacity do i have for the feelings?
can i be with it? will i distract myself?
i’m going to reach for my phone for distraction

not having the phone there.. i felt the pain.
it sucked, and was great at the same time.

throughout the day, i noticed my tension, and focused on breathing and being present

not going to lie, it wasn’t easy

when i got home.. i laid down.. i cried a little bit
and then i felt good about myself for leaving the phone at home

this is a long journey people… at least it is for me

happy to share with u whatever i witness along the way.

for now - the immediate approach is creating more space in the body.

not sure if it’s entirely true, but i’m resonating with this concept that:
when your body has space, the energy can flow
when your body is tight, the energy flows and to your mind
then your mind gets overwhelmed and you burn out

more space. more grace.

sending u love

we can create space in the body with dance…
let’s get it - NTFO, Rhadow - Conclude

freaky friday the 29th

whaaaaattup

went dancing in NY last night, didn’t get home til 7ish, rested up and here we are

BEATPORTIFY playlist is updated.

I haven’t had time to go through the releases yet, should have some updates there on Monday next week.

Gonna rest up today - started watching this and it’s solid:

thursday march 28

just got off a 2 and a half hour zoom call with the crew - regarding the Army of Love / Shebeen party in Malta September 28.

it’ going to be intimate (300 people max)

we are renting out a massive farm house for a proper after party (I’m more excited about the after party than the party)
only 40 tickets sold to the afterparty

my goal is to get 40 army of lovers coming to this party - and not just the party, but for a 5 day stay

filling these 5 days with lovely connecting activities like hikes and beach time and ketamine afterparties all the good stuff

if you’re interested, let me know.
i will be pretty low key in how i invite people.

here’s yo music for the day - walter astral - hyperdruide

wednesday march 27

hello and happy wednesday, i’m feeling quite nice today.

woke up, the urge to look at my phone was minimal (relative to recent times)

went outside, stretched in the sunrise for a bit, nothing too crazy

came back inside to meditate, fell asleep

woke up feeling light
less tense
more calm

i like this. i like you

hope you’re doing well

music~wise.. umami dropped a live album that sounds intetesting (here)

new roman flugal shit - here
(roman is a crazy genius in my ear.. i don’t connect with 90% of his releases, but the 10% i do, is like nothing else)

just got promo for alex o’rion’s upcoming album -
it’s lovely! can check out a snippet on our youtube page - holla

love you!!
PEACE
Lee

techno tuesday

ayooooo, happy techno tuesday my homies

first - this groover is out now on bandcamp __ Soul Keita - Goin' Bad feat. Nico (Madota Dusty Edit)

secondly, i put together a playlist of a few tracks i’ve been listening to non-stop the last 4 days - here u go (play it in order)

thirdly, lupe fiasco is something else
following his lyrics is a lovely mental exercise

this track… lupe fiasco - ms.mural

i recommend listening without reading the lyrics first, just take the ride

then, if you’re like me, you will find pleasure in dissecting the lyrics via genius.com

the content in this track is rich.

love u - happy techno tuesday

monday march 25

yooooo, happy monday.
I’m feeling fantastic, sending you lots of love.

I’m sharing this video for anyone who’s interested in understanding their emotions.

For about a year now, I’ve been operating under the framework that our emotions are expressed in a language we cannot understand with the mind.
I’ve been exploring the language of the body.
Seeing if I can “be” with emotions, without the mind’s interference.
It’s been a long journey, will never end, enjoying the ride.

This video connected some dots for me, here u go. have a lovely day people.

PS this channel has tons of wisdom I’ve soaked up over the years

friday march 22

happy friday!

it’s music day, beatportify is updated

what i really want to talk about is this ep though.

axel boman has this hypnotizing sound that opens a portal for me to melt into flow

this ep was the perfect soundtrack for my walk-train-walk commute to brooklyn last night

found my flow before i even stepped out the door
walk/danced to the train
train arrives just as i walk in
33 minute train ride next.

i sat down and started doing box breathing timed with the music (4 second inhale, 4 second hold, 4 second exhale, 4 second hold, repeat…)

after a minute, the 4 seconds turned into 8 seconds
after a few minutes, the 8 to 16… sometimes 32

i started playing a game where I wanted to see how few breaths I could take between subway stops
almost like we were underwater when the subway doors closed
usually ended up using 1 full, deep ass breath to get from stop to stop

during this time, I could really feel myself on the train

like i zoomed out and imagined this train zoomin’ through new york and i could feel myself on that train

hard to explain, sounds kinda silly, but 96% of the time I’m on the train I’m just trying to kill time - this was 100% different

full presence, feeling myself moving through the universe on this crazy machine

fucking loved it.

got off the train, had a 7 minute walk to my friend’s place which turned into a 11 minute dance/walk

new york baby, love it. send it. happy friday

love, lee

thursday march 21

what’s up what’s good

as I’m taking distance from my phone and social media, I noticed how deeply rooted in reactionary mode I am.

quick example..

Nothing on my schedule, I’m free to do whatever I feel called to do…
and yet, I still find myself checking whatsapp and gmail multiple times an hour.

I’ve drawn a hard line with instagram, so that escape is no longer available to me.

One would think “how great, I have all this freed up space”
- but no, it’s not that simple.

the behavior of “checking inboxes” and reacting to shit is so deeply engrained that I don’t know how to properly utilize “free time”

on some DEEP level, I would rather “fix a problem” that arrives in the form of a whatsapp message vs sitting in stillness.

it feels that I’ve built up this lifestyle over the last 20 years, dating back to my IT sales job

constantly needing to be busy/productive

rather than doing the deep, strategic work on my account set, I would seek out quick little easy tasks to make myself feel productive.
it’s a busy vs productive type of conversation and my life has become very busy

now we get productive.

this is where my focus is.

how to regain my power in the moment.

it’s a process.

sending u love.

took this one for a lovely morning walk earlier - axel boman 1979

wednesday march 20

writing on tuesday, 19.36 felt a bit agitated for most of the day today - let’s check in tomorrow morning and write an update

hahah

I’m feeling A+ in this moment.

back in new york - watching my friend’s 5 cats for 5 days in the upper west side

i love new york

was exploring Martin Buttrich’s catalogue on the train ride up and going DEEP

got to the homie’s apartment
dropped my bags
rolled a light spliff
put on this set
walked out
danced out to central park
found a dope ass spot with trees
danced freely for 5 min
caught a groove
starting grooving all over the park
feeling the tension in flow
whenever other humans would pass
that’s the game I play
the test
can you flow in public?

may sound simple
try it out sometime

I was sending it all over central park, in my own little world.

literally one of the best dance parties I’ve ever experienced… the freedom is deepening.

i still blocked up my flow a bit when people were around - their influence is still impacting my public dancing

what a life. send it.

love u

this album started it all on the train.. marty b - crash test

techno tuesday march 19

happy techno tuesday!

I feel crazily overstimulated.

Maybe I’m wrong, but when I sit down to focus on a task, or feel my feelings.. I feel a strong magnetic pull to grab my phone or computer.

It’s like I’ve established “phone in hand” as my default state.

When I come out of the shower and dry off - BOOM, next thing I know the phone is in my hand (or laptop in lap).

I’m not exploring it with intention, it’s simple become the default state, and this is no bueno, for me.

Been imagining a life without a cell phone for a bit, and it’s turning me on. Let’s see, one step at a time.

In the spirit of techno tuesday, I will share the techno tuesday playlist which has some of my favorite tracks over the years, enjoy - techno tuesday

monday march 18

what’s good happy monday-

I’m feeling a mixture of excitement and action around ideas paired with an overwhelming amount of noise in my life.

got clarity, putting it into action, but too much noise interfering with my process.

going to take a week, maybe 2 away from instagram.

will hop on here and there to send significant DMs, but otherwise taking big space from that portal.

I will continue to write here, daily.

I will continue to post videos on youtube daily.

see u when i see u, love u anywhere

PEACE
_____

oh yea, here’s some music _ erykah badu - gone baby, dont be long

send it.

Friday March 15

happy friday beautiful people, lots of new music today

233 new tracks added to Beatportify today -
get in there and please do let me know which tracks you’re feeling

worth noting Four Tet dropped an album today, that’s in the playlist as well.

been busy these days, it’s a beautiful thing - energy is building
I leave you with this quote as we head into the weekend
you are most certainly good enough
sending you lots of love

“Those who feel plagued by not being good enough are often drawn to idealistic worldviews that offer the possibility of purifying and transcending a flawed nature. This quest for perfection is based in the assumption that we must change ourselves to belong. We may listen longingly to the message that wholeness and goodness have always been our essence, yet still feel like outsiders, uninvited guests at the feast of life.” ― Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance

Thursday March 14

hit a crazy flow of music research last night… sometimes a portal opens up and in 1 hour I can find 20+ tracks and new record labels etc etc

these are my favorite trips… here’s what I found last night

went back to the first laut & luise projects, from 2011.
goddamn that is some rich downtempo right there.

here’s a playlist of tracks I ended up connecting with from an hour on that trip - Laut & Luise trip report

then with scatterbrain adhd and crates.co, I slipped into a vortex and stumbled onto dauwd.. my whole energy shifted.

something different about this dude’s tunes…

went on to find fausto who again blew my mind… here’s a taster playlist from the dauwd/fausto hunt

sometimes I think it’s less about the music and more about how OPEN I am to receive energy…

when you send dope music into an open vessel… I’m having orgasms over here.

sending u love.
lee

Wednesday March 13

good day mate

I met a special character named Quackers back at ADE in Amsterdam.

This dude activated a level of goofy in me I didn’t know I was capable.

My abs hurt from violently laughing at the shit we were whipping up.

In any event, Quackers released a new track today and it’s FIRE: Quackers - Unscathed … The Oddness remix is pretty dope as well, check it out.

Also, I’ve already recorded 6 videos of unreleased bangers and scheduled them to post daily on youtube at 630am NY time.

every day. youtube. see you there.

techno tuesday, march 12

moving the party to youtube

will be posting tracks and unreleased tasters daily - subscribe here

here’s a mix for you, with love.
happy techno tuesday fam

Monday March 11

happy monday family

this routine is changing my life experience - I share it with you

not much to write today, going to be taking some space from the internet this week

sending you hugs and here’s a tune for the heart - Ocie Elliot - I Got You, Honey

ciao for now

Thursday March 7

Buenosssss dias, maybe tardes where you at… sending you 2 handfuls of love.

This was a great chat and I wanted to share Kanykei's latest podcast with Unders (youtube link below).

I’m passionate about helping artists express themselves authentically on the internet - if you feel the same, I suggest you check out and support this podcast.

I’m watching these artists I love and care about make fake ass videos for the algorithm and then they bitch about it to me on the phone.

It’s part of the process, this wave will pass.

Part of bringing in a new wave of love and authenticity is supporting good shit like this.

So if you’re like me, and you’re tired of watching 7 second ADHD inducing content on IG - this is how we make a vote for more authentic content.

Go support shit like this. Just an invitation. For the bigger picture.

PS. Kanykei runs a party promotion in NY called AIONIA and I can say from my heart that they’re doing it from the heart.
I deeply appreciate the parties they put on and encourage you to check them out as well.

Upcoming shows:

March 28: Giz - tickets

April 5: KATERMUKKE Showcase (Artists: Dirty Doering, Niconé, Animal Trainer & Kanykei) - tickets

April 19: Frankey & Sandrino [Sandrino Only] - tickets

see you when i see you people.

also, my new mantra is “put some of that excitement into now”

think about how excited you get about future events - maybe it’s a trip in April

you could get hit by a train tomorrow… but some of that April excitement into now… just an invitation.

PEACE

Wednesday March 6

nice wednesday of releases to report.
*EDIT - important message for DJs/Producers/Music Lovers below the music recommendations*

Gorge - Roots EP [klaus.elle] - Spotify link

Whole project is sweet - I particularly connected with the Daschund and Jiggler remixes

I wasn’t familiar with the label, so (using crates) I checked em out real quick
Built out a research/taster playlist on spotify with their top 10 purchased beatport tracks: klaus.elle taster playlist

this shit is dope, caught a flow and banged out this post with this on in the background - Taro Toko - Little Helper 411-3

Joep Mencke and Ben Juno dropped a track - Symphony

down records EP - joe carl - loveforged

crazy shit on here - Diego Montiel - Attempt [Side UP Works] … woah the more I listen to this I’m feeling it

ken ishii + dosem - neonride - straight up acid speed chase in space

and a random track that I really loved and then connected 0% with the rest of the artist’s catalogue hahahah i love these tracks - Nina Young - Down To Earth

This is the result of about 22 minutes of research using the process I have.

I’m going to launch a track curation service for DJs and music lovers in the upcoming weeks.
It will have daily updates on this level (even more) paired with a deeper presentation of the record labels in the scene.
My intention is to not only feed you with a healthy dose of tracks to check out - it’s to help your career.. and most importantly, your life.

obviously you can sign up and just take the tracks - my deeper vision is cultivating a community of artists and music lovers.
Music is a high priority in my life. I want to invest in my network of music loving humans.

Here’s a flow of what I have in mind…

I have a master list of record labels we call the databass. It’s a never ending map of the music world. I need help taking it to the next level.
By sharing this project with you, I want to help you..

• find labels with tracks you like for your sets

• find target labels to release your productions with

• connect with you with other DJs/Producers/Music lovers and create a space for connection

  • some super fans I know LOVE to listen to productions and give feedback to tracks

  • some producers I know love to connect with other artists and share best practices to help each other grow

  • I’ll be hosting bi-weekly check in calls for mental health / self image discussions

  • My dream is to set up a 2 week retreat for 6 artists to come together and sink into healthy lifestyle and deep creative work

    • I’ll be doing this with the members of this group. I don’t want to make extra money doing these retreats, it’s for the vibe, we split the costs, you make a donation after the experience

      *this is how I want to do everything in army of love

  • I’ll be sharing your releases on my big playlist

  • If you run a label, we share your projects

    • maaaaaybe you make a friend in the group and they end up releasing an ep on your label

      • see what i’m sayin? nothing forced, but when you get a bunch of creatives like this together with the right vibe, it’s magic.

  • I’ll be sharing your releases on the army of love website

    • my intention is to create a cool site to visit outside of instagram

    • bring the fans closer to the artists, and vice versa

    • when there’s a human connection between the fans and artists… full send. support. love. appreciation.

    • within the army of love family, whoever’s contributing is getting highlighted and showcased

      • this means a short video/podcast/written statement about your upcoming release or anything relevant you want to share with the community (optional)

      • the social media world is a fucking mess and I want to help artists be authentic versions of themselves in their content/expression

      • I want to put you in a position to connect with the army of love family

        • many of which are showing up for intimacy and connection

          • I can’t force them to support you - but I’m going to be constantly reminding people how valuable support is and how we can show up for each other

            • not only for the algorithms but for the spirit of these vulnerable artists (I understand.)

              • I’m building a group of beautiful humans aka an army of love and I want to highlight all artists in this program - authentically

              • PS in the big 7-10 year vision, we won’t need instagram and all this tomfoolery

At the end of the day, I want you to focus on music and feel good about yourself. That’s the mission.

If you’re interested, please send me a DM and let’s have a chat - I have some ideas I want to bounce off of you.

ALSO… invitation to play this track while reading this next part
for anyone reading this who’s not a DJ or Producer - everything I mentioned above is the vision I have for the army of love.
I want to highlight everyone who has something to share.
That could be an online coaching business.
A yoga retreat. A new business you’re launching.

The mission is to attract people who are looking for connection…
who also cherish dope ass music, dancing, letting loose and being kind
I will create spaces for vulnerability.
the underlying why is to bring people closer to themselves - like a dancefloor we share the space yet have our own journey
I’ll do tons of stuff online - but it’s time for in person hangs.

Most gatherings will be 4-16 people for the first year, I want to be delicate with the intimacy.
Sure, we’ll do “city take overs” where 40 of us get airbnbs and explore a city for 4 days with some parties mixed in

HOWEVER. my main interest is on transformation and potential friendships/partners in business/dreams - intimate gatherings.

The entire point of the project is intimacy.
If 25,000 people sign up and I make 2 million dollars, but the intimacy was gone - I’d be very upset.

I want the experiences money can’t buy - it’s a level of openness… and it’s quite casual honestly, it doesn’t have to be super deep all the time. It almost always gets deep, but it’s the goofiness and kindness which opens the door for the emotional trauma to feel safe to come up.. then you get to release a piece of something you’ve been storing for years, we hold space for that.. we dance it off, cry it out, hug it in, dance some more, more hugs… rinse and repeat brothers and sisters. can’t force it, but i know how to create space for it.. at least in small groups.. one step at a time. worth noting, this isn’t a “chasing peak experiences” project either. not grabbing at transformation either.

i think rick ruben said something like… you don’t get to decide how the seed grows, but you can create an environment to nurture its growth - that’s the idea. no force, lots of intention.

in the end, integration is the true medicine at work. we’ll be putting an emphasis on putting you in the best position to apply the experiences to your day-to-day life.
bringing new awareness and love back to your home, corner stores, workplace, streets, communities.. it’s all connected

over time we’ll establish all types of beautiful connections, support, collaborations, marriages and just a big ass family.
all the meanwhile guiding the ship towards self acceptance and authentic expressions of love.

big hugs, much love. peace.

lee

Techno Tuesday March 5

Ever since I came back to New Jersey in May of 2023, I had the intention to practice my DJing skills.

I figured the best way to do that, was to create sets.

Well, the amount of resistance I’ve felt the last 8 months is insane.

Instead of FORCING and PUSHING through it… I laid with it.
I invited it in for coffee.
I started building a relationship with my resistance.

Not sure exactly what happened but good lord we on fire right now. Made a Mix. I love it. I share with you.

It would mean a lot to get your support on youtube, but at the end of the day, I have to to consistently show up and the aligned people and support will find me.

Having said that, go like the video and leave a comment if you want to help out my mission to spread openness and love to the world.

SEND IT.

Monday March 4.

‘Love asks for nothing in return’

Today’s Soundtrack: Lupe Fiasco - Fighters (lyrics)

Back to writing to share some realizations I’ve stumbled into.

Quick recap on my last year.

• March 2023 Deep breakup with loving partner. Heartbroken.

• May 2023 Fly back to New Jersey to rest and heal

• 2 weeks later find out I have melanoma / skin cancer on my face

• June through August Intense surgery on my face, with 4 weeks of heavy healing (can’t do shit)

• September Intense surgery healing over, now fresh scars on my face

• October Birthday, holy shit am I really 37 years old? I thought I was 25 maybe 26.

Damn, just writing that I can feel the weight of emotions from these experiences. WHAT A GIFT.

I learned how to love myself in deeper ways through all of this.

Which brings me to now. 

I’ve been spending a LOT of time alone.  I get lonely, but ultimately I chose this, to come closer to myself, and I have.

I started going out in New York around October and I could feel that I was more centered. 
Less needing to be seen, more content with the moment at hand.

I started to gain confidence, more so from how centered I felt rather than the amount of new friends I made.

Fast forward to February and I’m going on a 2 week tour with Unders - through SF, LA and NY. 

Could write a book about that tour - but the short of it is this:

I felt a LOT of love - simply by being myself.  

I was the most authentic I’ve ever been. 
I didn’t put extra energy into connecting with the successful dude or the cute girl.  
I just honored how I felt in the moment, at all moments.  
People loved me.

It felt so pure. 

Deep down I was proud of myself and happy to reach this point.  
I don’t feel pressure to be received, and people were receiving me. 
This is sweet.

I don’t really believe in “reaching enlightenment” or “arriving” - but honestly in some sense it did feel like I had “arrived” at a new dimension of presence and love.

what a beautiful, transformational 2 weeks

I felt confident after the Unders trip and didn’t waste time putting that energy into action.

I started posting stuff on instagram, with less fear about being misunderstood on deep topics.

When I watched the videos I created, I LOVED them.  100% happy with what I created/shared.

However, I would go back the next day to see how the video was received - 66 likes.  2 comments with words. 4 comments with an emoji.

I was frustrated.
I was angry.
I was hurt.

This wave of stories were cooked up from the wounded ego - does my audience understand me? does anyone have an attention span? does anyone give a shit about real stuff?

I can now sort of sit back and witness this string of thoughts and emotions that are sprung up by my wounded ego.

It’s actually sad and beautiful at the same time for me.

It’s sad that such a lovely human can still get blocked up by how he’s received.
It’s beautiful that I can witness it without freaking out, and hold more space for my process.

I desire to operate in a way in which I can SEND IT and share, without exhausting energy on how it’s received.

I deeply feel I have access to love and it only wants to be shared.

My need to be accepted gets in the way of this.

Now it’s time to explore, even more deeply, with curiosity and love - why do I need to be seen? 

Can I see myself?

This is something I’ve been exploring for over 12 years.
In the past, I had a charge about it.  I wanted to FIX it.
Now I’m simply seeing it. Allowing it. Bringing love to it.
What happens from there isn’t up to me. 

Based on my experiences, witnessing and offering yourself loving awareness melts everything into alignment. 
This is a process that cannot be rushed or expedited. Simply witness and meet it with love… over and over.

Love asks for nothing in return.

You smile at a stranger on the street. They don’t smile back. 
If you get mad about that, it’s your ego. 
Love doesn’t get mad. 
It just is.

Sending you the biggest hugs.  If you can relate and want to chat about this - holla at me, I’m waiting for you.

love u,
lee

Monday January 29.

We back.

Here’s a brief overview of how the Army of Love is evolving in New York at the moment.

For reference, I’m currently living in NJ with my dad, takes about 90 minutes to get to NY via train or car.

Based on a true story

Party going in Brooklyn Friday night from 10pm - 8am.
I take a nap at home from 7-11pm.
At midnight, I borrow my Dad’s car and drive into New York.
At this hour, the drive is a dream. Minimal traffic, got James Brown bumpin, I’m catching a vibe.

I get to the party around 1.30am.

IT’S CROWDED.

I make my way onto the dancefloor and I feel a bit suffocated.
There is absolutely no “communal flow” happening on the dancefloor.
With my height, I can see over the crowd - I start looking for movement. Who is moving?

fucking no one.

Seriously.

Maybe a littttttttle bit of a sway to the right and the left, but that’s the extent of the dancing I see on the so called “dancefloor.”
If it were up to me, I would rename this area to the “stand around and chat after taking a bunch of drugs” floor.

Cool if that’s your thing. It’s not mine. I’m here to sink into music and dance.

I leave the dancefloor because I can’t find any room to move and I don’t enjoy it.

I head to the “lobby/chill room” where people are hanging - there’s couches and shit, it’s nice.
They have a speaker set up in the chill room and I start dancing in front of it.
I noticed I was feeling lots of frustration regarding the dancefloor. In this moment I simply wanted to , and I simply wanted to connect with the music an calm my inner anger.

Not only did I

Wednesday August 9.

So much of my life right now can be related to the state of my fingernails.

It’s less about what I’m doing.
More about what I’m resisting.

Let it be.
Let it grow.
Let it blossom.

Tuesday August 8.

Patience.

This face surgery experience has taught me many lessons, today I share a quick one.

1. Things take time to heal / evolve. Gardens don’t grow overnight.

2. Time flies. It’s been 4 weeks since my first surgery and today I’m heading into New York to have my stitches removed.

Note to self.
Pick a few things (do less).
Be consistent.
Be patient.
Before you know it, it will be mid-October.

Saturday July 15.

A lot has happened since the last time we’ve spoke.

In short, the 30 day digital declutter shined a brighter light on my wounds and addictions.
Take away Instagram, smoke more spliffs.

Witnessing my internal ‘anxiety’ flow from one vice to another with such clarity was valuable.

Coming back to IG after 30 days off - it’s not very appealing.
Feels like a lot of noise I was using to distract myself whenever a moment of discomfort came into my life.

I feel okay about entering the IG world from time to time, intentionally.
I will delete / reinstall the app when I want to hop in.
Having that door open at all times is 100% not good for me.

Something much more significant has entered my life during this 30 day period.

I’ve felt immense fear.
On the other side of that fear, I’ve experienced love.
Polarity at its finest.

It’s been a dark blessing and I will share the gifts I’ve received in the upcoming days.

All is well, so no need to worry.

One thing is for certain. I have been feeling how connected we all are.
“Team Us” is very real, and I appreciate you all.

Sending love.

Sunday. June 18

Day 4 of the declutter process and this shit is powerful. It’s been more of a relief than a struggle. I highly recommend this for everyone, even if just for 3 days. You really get to see how addicted you are to cheap little bullshit content on the internet.

happy father’s day.

DIM KELLY - Blinder (TybesOf)

Tuesday. June 13

Declutter

The 30 day digital declutter starts tomorrow. I initially intended to continue writing here daily, but now that’s it here, I don’t feel that’s the right move.

I want to give myself SPACEEEEE with limited pressure, to really sink into myself. My boredom.

Maybe I’ll write on here from time to time, but not putting pressure to show up daily.

Have said that, ciao for now.

Armen Miran - Heads

Monday. June 12

Think. Do. Be.

The past few months I’ve been waking up with an instant rush of low-level anxiety.
It’s generally a mix of my perceived to-do-list combined with whatever topic I’ve been mentally stressing lately.

Think.
In the beginning, I would wrestle this anxiety with my mind. This never got me anywhere. In fact, it usually made the situation worse.

Do.
Next step was consciously taking a few deep breaths when I woke up.
It’s hard to quiet the mind using the mind. Using the body has proven to be much more efficient.

I’d wake up.
Feel the anxiety.
Notice my mind start it’s routine of labeling and creating stories.
Consciously stop the mind.
Put my hand on my belly, and took 8 deep breaths.

This helped. Calm the nervous system with the body, not the mind.

Be.
Something special happened this morning.

I woke up, and before I could even THINK - I went straight into my morning breathing exercise. I was a bit fascinated, it’s like the muscle memory took over and I didn’t even have to think about the process.

Think - Do - Be.

Think about the habits you want to implement.
Starting doing that shit.
Do it long enough, it becomes a subconscious act. Then you be it.

Track of the day to get us started this week: Eden Burns - House Non Stop (Public Possession)

Sunday. June 11

Had my first experience at the Brooklyn Mirage last night. Not a fan.

Another Sloth Sunday… don’t feel like writing today.

enjoy this track though… Viow (Nhii Remix)

Saturday. June 10

New York City

This trip to New York has been eye opening.

The diversity of reflections and triggers here is next level.

From the sweet old lady walking the dogs, to the swaggy dude walking the streets with full confidence, to the scary man that said he’d slap the shit out my faggot ass if I look at him.

My awareness has shifted since my last visit to NY and I’m more aware of my thought patterns.

What I notice most is how much I used to build stories around everything. Using my mind to make sense of a situation, or why someone acts a certain way. In a way, this is a form of control.

Sometimes the stories are to protect a fragile part of my ego:
The successful looking man probably had a rich family and went to an Ivy League school and had an easy path to success. That’s why he has it and I don’t.

Sometimes the stories are building a bridge to empathy:
That guy that called me a faggot ass probably had some trauma in his childhood, bla bla bla.

Today, I notice the storytelling start up in my mind and I put it on mute.

No stories, fuck it.
Bring my attention back to presence.

In this little game, TREES have been a massive help.
I’m posted up in Fort Greene and the streets are flooded with trees and greenery which has offered me an easy path to return to the moment.

Nature will save us in our return home.

Tune for you - Agoria - {agorians}

Friday. June 9

I’ve jerked off in Starbucks bathrooms.
At the airport.
On airplanes.
At work.

In my 20’s, I’d damn near jerk off anywhere.
I wasn’t getting high off the rush of masturbating in public - I was just addicted to that shit.

I’m sharing this with you because I’ve talked with a LOT of men who have done and are doing the same.
They won’t say it publicly, but when I open a safe space to chat about the topic, almost every dude has similar and even ‘crazier’ stories.
Dudes in relationships. Dudes who are married. Dudes who are hiding this shit completely from everyone (nothing like a strong dose of shame and guilt to get you jerking again).

I’m not saying porn or masturbation is bad - but how you do it may be a reason for concern.

It took me damn near 14 years to slow down my porn/jerk addiction.
Even then, as I return home to NJ, the habit starts to knock on my door again.
I opened the door, checked it out, and now it’s calling me every morning and night.

I just feel it’s something that’s going on and we’re not talking about.

I don’t think this jerk-off / porn craze is coming from a centered place of intention.
I feel it’s coming from a nervous place of avoidance and escapism.
I feel it deeply affects how we relate to ourselves and each other.

Rather than having these raw conversations, seems like we distract ourselves with the complexities of all the content we absorb on an hourly basis.

Anyway… I wanted to open a door around the depths of this topic.

Also wanted to feel what full vulnerability/expression feels like again. Thanks to Justin for the motivation.

Beatportify playlist has lots of updates today. send it

Thursday. June 8

Clean Stays Clean.

Our house is cleaner than it’s ever been.

As a result, I’m much more conscious about cleaning up after myself.

2 years ago, I’d make some breakfast and leave the dishes for later - wasn’t a big deal since the kitchen was already filled with clutter.

Today, leaving the dishes out feels like a crime. I clean up immediately after my meal.

When the environment is messy, leaving a few dishes out isn’t a big deal.
When the environment is CLEAN, those same dishes are disrupting peace.

This got me thinking about our minds and mental health.

If your mind is a noisy mess, consuming an hour of Instagram scrolling isn’t a big deal.
If your mind is QUIET, I can imagine an hour of Instagram feels toxic.

This is a big inspiration for the 30 day Social Media break. In order to quiet the mind, I need to step away for an extended period of time.

After stepping away, I’ll return and make a conscious decision on whether or not the behavior (social media in this case) is serving me.

Much like keeping a kitchen clean, keeping the mind relatively quiet requires daily maintenance.

Let’s get clean. Let’s get quiet.

Matthias Meyer - Free Your Mind (Hive Audio)

Wednesday. June 7

Home.

Woke up this morning to the sound of someone walking down the stairs.

That sound is so damn familiar, I could feel my nervous system sinking into the safety of the moment. Home.

I’m feeling deep gratitude for having a loving home to return to. I recognize how special that is and I’m soaking it up.

Our backyard hasn’t changed much in the past 5 years. However, every time I return, I have a deeper appreciation for its beauty.
Birds, squirrels, deer, trees, grass. It’s full of life.
Entertaining, yet calm at the same time.
This is the place to nurture my over-stimulated brain.

The backyard hasn’t changed, but the perception of the observer has. This is precisely what I’ve come home to do: slow down my external input and clean my internal lens.

Best part about being home so far - Dad’s vibe.
When I left last time, he was barely recovering from heart surgery.
He was doing alright, but far from shining. That man is shining now.

This gives me strength. I pass that to you.

Matthew Dear, Joris Voorn - Homeland (&ME Remix)

Tuesday. June 6

The Return to New Jersey.

On the bus to the airport now. I’ve never been more excited to come home in my life - what a feeling.

Last time I came home was December 2021 to be close to my Dad as he underwent heart surgery.

That trip brought up a lot of emotions. On the surface, I felt like I was open and accepting for whatever was about to happen.

If Dad was going to die, I felt relatively okay about it. Dad and I spoke about this many times.

However, I can see clearly now that I wasn’t allowing myself to feel it all fully.
I was denying the part of me that was scared.

On that last trip, I stayed in NJ for almost 2 months. Those months were filled with obsessive smoking, eating, porn use, YouTube browsing and escaping.

Little to no exercise.
No healthy cooking.
Hardly any interest in music.

18 months later, some of these escaping habits still exist - but damn I’ve certainly made progress with my addictions/behaviors.

Now we return home, with the sole intention to deepen my relationship with myself. I’m excited for this next chapter.

My heart is full of gratitude Mexico, thank you for everything.
Can’t imagine who I’d be without the influence of that sweet, sweet Mexican love.

Home is calling. Echonomist, Jenia Tarsol, Acollective - Happiest of all memorial days

Monday. June 5

Being open to receive help.

I always felt I was open to receiving help, but truthfully, I was still resisting.

For the first time in my life, I started therapy. Had my 4th session today and I can confidently say this is one of the best investments for my human experience I’ve ever made.

For years, I’ve had extremely therapeutic dynamics within my friendships and relationships - but seeing a professional is an entirely different level.

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT.

More than recommend. If you’ve been thinking about it - get in there.

If money/cost has been your barrier to starting therapy, let me know (email me here). The woman I’m working with is relatively affordable and available to work remotely via Zoom.

She has a few open slots and I can set up a free intro call if you’re interested. Let’s do this shit people.

…..

It’s my last day in San Miguel and I feel a bit overwhelmed - mostly because I procrastinated packing and closing ceremonies here. In any event, this track helped ease the anxiety and get me into a little groove. Todd Terje - Ragysh

have a nice day.

Sunday. June 4

Had a Sloth Sunday after a nice BBQ hang last night.

I have ideas I want to share, but the words aren’t flowing at the moment.

Time to chill and watch Game 2 of the NBA Finals. Sending you love wherever you’re at.

I’ve been groovin’ to this track for 5 days… from 2011 __ Matador - Korrado (spotify)

Saturday. June 3

We have 5 people interested in joining the 30 day Social Media / Digital Fast.
Cal Newport is the dude that planted this seed initially. You can listen to him explain the value of the 30 day fast here:

Here’s a track for your Saturday, enjoy - Orofino - Amsterdam (DJ Tennis Remix) - spotify link

Friday. June 2

Friday’s are for new music. Loading up the Beatportify Playlist now.

I also have a specially curated playlist (~15 tracks per week) that is only available to our Patreon members. If you’d like access to this playlist, you can join our Patreon membership, or send a 1 time donation via PayPal.

Here’s some quick recommendations.

Midaas 014 by HAFT
new Hoomidaas podcast series by HAFT (I work with Hoomidaas, go show some love)

LADS - Marewki (Sounds of Khemit)
very nice tune, shout out to Nhii and the Sounds of Khemit crew, love what you’re putting out.

Tal Fussman - The Fine Line in Between (Survival Tactics)
new Tal Fussman album, haven’t listened, but you should know about it.

Kölsch, Kevin de Vries - Gate/Masterplan (Ipso)
2 piece EP from these talented gentleman. Not for me, but maybe you like it.

Skatman - Rewarped (Innvervisions)
some fresh shit from Skatman and the Innervisions family.

Joiah - Different (Klassified)
shout out to the Klassified family, new EP released today.

Anjunadeep - Reflections 22
5 tracks released today

There’s more releases than ever - and many feel like they were made in a microwave.

have a nice day.

Thursday. June 1

First of the month, which means the lease on my apartment is officially over. Time to go.

I’m sitting here now playing with my perspective.

On one hand, if I’m fully present in the moment, I’m just here in a room, typing on my keyboard. I feel calm and centered.

On another hand, I can dive into mind mode and explore the memories associated with this room. This is usually what I do. Tap into the past and flood my system with emotions. Reminiscing on the good times, and also the not so good times.

I don’t think one way is better than the other - but I recognize I’m accustomed to diving into memories and feeding stories of the past. I do this in many areas of my life. Use my mind to create stories and get high (or low) off the emotional overload.

Given that this has been an emotional week for me - today I’m choosing presence.

At times, it feels like I’m bypassing the emotional experience. What I’m practicing is to allow the emotions to arise within me without diving into the mind to wrap a story around the feeling. Allowing without labeling. Let it come and go like a wave.

Progress for me. Shifting my mind to presence ratio, slowly but surely.

Track of the day. Enzo Siragusa - Sagamore (spotify)

Wednesday. May 31

Woke up today and my mind was racing. Rather than bring my attention/awareness into my body - I reach directly for my phone.

Checking WhatsApp, Gmail and then Instagram - like a fucking mad man. It’s truly insane and it must change. I’m sharing the absurdity I recognize in my own behavior, in the attempt you recognize the same in yourself.

7 minutes on the phone right upon waking. Now my thinking brain is extremely active, making it even more difficult to come to a centered state of being.
I’m aware what I just did is not “voting for the life I want to live.”
I feel shame about being too weak to make the right choice in that moment.

This is all real, but I am shifting the script a little bit. Focusing on what I can do now, rather than sinking in guilt and shame for the rest of the day (which leads to more coping mechanisms of stress, which leads to more shame… the cycle goes on.)

This is what I do now, to bring myself closer to my center.

15 minute yoga nidra | recharge your nervous system - youtube link

Not gonna lie, I’m a litttttle bit pissed at the moment. Angry with myself. Anger is something I can’t access often, so I take this as a blessing…. letting it go.

here’s a song, have a nice day - Nature (The Soul Brothers Remix) [Happy Camper] - Spotify link

Techno Tuesday. May 30

Tuesday’s will be dedicated to music stories. The track I’m writing about today is Jerome Isma-Ae & Alastor - Fiction (Kris Davis Remix) … maybe you want to start the track before reading the story.

First, I’d like to share a bit of my approach for music research / track discovery. Sometimes I sit at my computer and listen to tracks as I discover them, but there’s another technique which I prefer. This is building up a Research Playlist, or in my case the LEEsearch playlist.

Using 1001tracklists, Beatport Charts, recommendations from friends, etc. - I build up a playlist of over 30 tracks that are waiting for my listen. This way, when I’m at the gym, or taking a walk, or on the train - I can do my music research. This has been far more efficient for me compared to just sitting there and listening to the tracks while I discover them - build a research playlist.

Having that in mind… a few years ago our dog Flipper passed away. He was a sweeeeeeeet soul traveling in the body of a pitbull. He was in pain for months, which made it a little easier to accept his passing, but my heart was still broken.

The day after he passed away, I went on a run. I put on my LEEsearch playlist and just let everything rock - no skipping. I’m about 12 minutes into my run, which means I’m getting tired and then this track comes on.

From the first beat, I sensed this track was a deep feeler. My sense was correct.

Oh my goodness, I can feel it now. I started crying by the 2 minute mark. The vibes of this track were massaging my wounded heart.

I experienced more than a nurturing feeling, this track was inspiring the fuck out of me. It’s as if the overall tone of the track has a “dark/meloncholic” feel to it, but underneath is this building force of inspiration.

It was perfect. It is perfect.

In that moment, the inital darkness allowed me to really open up and welcome my emotions. Emotions that are hard to face, become easier with the assistance of the right music.

It opened space for me to FEEL fully. Now I’m crying while running and before long I was turning those “sad" emotions into power.

Power to live my life to the fullest.
Power to represent Flipper wherever the fuck I go.
Power to recognize we all die, and it’s part of this game.
To face death with open arms and do something amazing while I’m here in this human body.

I revisit this track from time to time with a deep appreciation for what it allowed me to feel on that run.

When I’m deeply depressed, it doesn’t really work for me. When I’m a few steps out of the depression, heading in the right direction, this track is pure medicine.

love you.
send it.

Monday. May 29

I have to move out of my apartment on Thursday. I feel completely okay about it.

In fact, my mind seems confused by this. I catch the mind searching for a story, trying to create drama and stir up some emotions. It’s as if I’m subconsciously addicted to drama…

How do we break that loop? Not entirely sure, but awareness without judgment always seems to make progress.

A nice, cleansing track for your Monday - Martin Roth - Just Sine Waves - Spotify link

Sunday. May 28.

going away party was very fulfilling last night. resting today.

song.

Saturday. May 27

“Market Margo”

Just bumped into Margo at the market. I haven’t seen her in 4 months.

Margo is an 80 year old woman from Montreal who used to live across the street from me. Every time I left my home, I looked up to see if Margo was sitting on her balcony. Most of the time she was. We would exchange smiles and love on a daily basis. She is truly an incredible human.

4 months ago, Margo moved to a new apartment about 5 streets away. Her new apartment was near my gym and I always intended to pay her a visit - however I never did.

I fell into a deep repressed, depressed state for a few months. In that state, I would think about calling Margo, then not have the strength/energy in the moment to do it. I would then feel a level of guilt.

I knew I didn’t have to wear a mask around Margo. We’ve already established a relationship of vulnerability, yet, I still felt a blockage in calling her.

Almost every time I went to the gym, I thought about calling Margo, then I didn’t, then I felt a little shame.

This morning, I walked to the local market and BOOM - there’s Margo.

I went over and stood next to her, with a smile and waited for her to notice me. She turned, we made eye contact and embraced in a love hug.

We gave each other quick updates on our lives and then prepared to say goodbye.

Before leaving I said… “Hey Margo, for the last 4 months, I’ve thought about calling you at least 70 times. I was in a space where my energy was blocked, and for whatever reason, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. But you are in my heart, and I feel your presence often.”

I started to cry while I expressed this. I was doing it more for forgiveness for myself than explaining to Margo.

She looked at me and said “When the time is right, the time is right. We can’t force these things.”

I knew she would understand.

I suppose I’m sharing this story because it shines light on a dark chapter in my life. I believe many of us experience this, but we don’t always talk about it.

I cried because it’s sad to me that a loving human being (me) could get so deep into his own mind and thoughts that he doesn’t feel comfortable reaching out and connecting with humans he has relationships with.

It’s part of life, and I don’t want to sink into victim mode, but damn, that makes me cry. I imagine some of you have been in a similar position before, and maybe you thought something was wrong with you. I’m here to assure you, and myself, there’s nothing wrong with you. Life comes in waves, and sometimes you have to surf those waves in solitude.

Track of the Day - Max Cooper - Hope (Parra For Cuva Remix) - spotify link

Friday. May 26

Track of the day so far. Red Axes - Relax Shiva (Crosstown Rebels) - Spotify link

Thursday. May 25

Good morning family.
Here’s a quote from Pete Walker's “Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood” in regards to responding to emotional waves.

“Feel the fear in your body without reacting to it.
Fear is just an energy in your body. It cannot hurt you if you do not run from it.”

It cannot hurt you if you do not run from it.
That beautiful advice shifted my perspective, maybe it does the same for you.

Track of the day… don’t skip, trust me… lay down in your metaphorical canoe, surrender and enjoy the ride. 16BL, Wild Dark - Always (Anjunadeep) - spotify link

Wednesday. May 24

Permission to be present

Here’s a game I like to play.

The other day I was taking a shower and my mind started its usual loop: to do list, what will I eat for dinner, which days will I go to the gym this week, oh shit I still have to reply to that email, etc.

I caught myself in a fully mental state and I stopped. I said to myself “for the remainder of this shower, I give you permission to be fully present.”

No past. No future. Just now.

Boom. I dropped my thoughts and tuned in to the sensation of the warm water hitting my back. I even let out a little moan of satisfaction.

Every 20 seconds or so, my mind would reactivate. I’m able to witness this and dial my attention back into the present moment.

After the shower, I try to maintain the presence, but it doesn’t last.

That’s okay. Maybe right now I’m only capable of being present in 2 minute windows. I’ll take 2 minutes of presence over 0 any day of the week.

Here’s the point. I put pressure on myself to be more present in life. Struggling through meditations, reading books and listening to podcasts about mindfulness, the list goes on. By playing this game, I am shifting the frequency. Rather than TRYING to be present, it becomes a GIFT. I’m allowing myself to be present for 2 minutes. Full permission to not worry about the past and not dive into the future. It’s a beautiful experience and I recommend you try it on.

Next time you find yourself stuck in your mind, I invite you to play the game. For 2 minutes, allow yourself to be fully present. Drop the mind, go outside, look at a plant. Notice when your mind comes back, have a little laugh about that, and then allow yourself the gift of letting it all go and being here, now.

send it.

here’s a track for you. Rigopolar - Sun of Lemuria (Nazca) - spotify link

Techno Tuesday. May 23

Happy Techno Tuesday!

I just spent 9 minutes looking for an exciting track to share, and I came up short. Lately I haven’t been too excited by new releases. I recognize a big part of that is my internal state of being. I think the lens in which we receive music is just as, if not more, important than the quality of the track itself.

If I’m feeling blocked up and feeding my brain with social media and youtube videos all day, music doesn’t come through clearly.
When I’m feeling open and accepting, I can flow and connect with almost any track.

Lately, I’m actually feeling more open, and yet the music isn’t hitting me the way it used to. This used to scare me, now I embrace it, see where it takes us.

I do have a track for you however. This track is at 125 BPM, I like to play it at 117.

Michaelis - Catalina (Manjumasi) - Spotify Link

Have a lovely day people.

Monday. May 22

Had a “zoom call meditation” session with my friend Justin this morning. Usually, we tune into a Joe Dispenza guided meditation. Today, we went for 20 minutes of silence.

Talk about resistance.

About 40 seconds in, I wanted nothing more than to open my eyes and move around. In many ways, the 20 minutes felt like a “struggle” - but I stuck in there. Practicing bringing my attention back to calmness whenever the mind started to wander… over and over again.

I didn’t reach a zen state, at all. However, I felt good about sticking with the discomfort.

10 minutes after the meditation, I walked to my yoga studio. During yoga I found myself more present than usual. After sitting in silent discomfort for 20 minutes, allowance to focus on sensations in my body felt like a treat. Often times during yoga I’m thinking about my inboxes or what I’ll eat for lunch. Today I felt a deeper connection with my body.

2 lessons
1. everytime you shift your awareness/attention from wandering thought to a relaxed state, this is a win. you are slowly but surely strengthening that stillness muscle.
2. by sitting in silent discomfort for 20 minutes, everything else felt more rich afterwards. it’s worth the investment.

Here’s our track for the day, sit back and surrender… Uone - Universal Widsom (Beat & Path) - spotify link

* Beat & Path is Uone’s record label

ciao for now ❤️

Sunday. May 21

Just finished a wholesome zoom chat with 8 other lovers from around the world. Opening and connecting about our emotions and how we respond to them.

It’s fulfilling to connect in this space. On one hand, you’re reminded that you’re not alone in your suffering. It gives some space and grace to the acceptance of yourself.

In addition, you learn tools from each other and connect deeply through sharing.

After the zoom call, I’m less likely to hop on my phone and start scrolling. I feel centered. Calm. I’ll take a walk.

This is the vibe at the moment. Jill Scott - The Way

sending love,
Lee

Saturday. May 20

Happy Saturday. Woke up feeling a bit of anxiety this morning. A part of me wanted to pick up my phone and immediately check WhatsApp, Gmail, Instagram, etc.

Wtf is that all about, really? The addiction there is quite deep in my own experience.

Anyway, I resisted the urge for instant gratification and sat down with my journal instead. I began to write about what I was feeling and I noticed that I was rushing through the journal experience. Ok, let me check this box of wellness and then I can get back to my cell phone addiction fuckery.

I caught myself rushing, and dialed it back… slow it down.

There was quite a bit of resistance in there. Slowing down didn’t come naturally, but we did it.

Almost seconds after journaling, I found myself rolling a cigarette while making a coffee at the same time. Baby steps… baby steps.

I’ll be writing and sharing more about how to navigate that morning anxiety that a lot of us feel. There are tools for us to try out, and I will be sharing what I’ve found.

*** sidenote - we’re having an Army of Love Zoom call tomorrow at 12pm NYC time. If you’d like to be involved, send me a message on IG or email me here.

For now, here’s 2 tracks for dat ass.

Simply Red - Holding Back The Years - Spotify link
Doesn’t get much better than this. You’ll likely recognize the tune. If not, even better…. enjoy.

Robby East - Center of Gravity (This Never Happened) - Spotify link
Lane 8 type vibe. This isn’t exactly my vibe, yet I’ve listened to the track start to finish 4 times since it’s come out. Something is connecting for me.

Friday. May 19

Went to bed late last night, listening to music and filling my brain with stimulation right before sleep.
Woke up feeling a bit anxious and found myself glued to my phone from 7-815am.
Didn’t feel good about this, but I observe and let it go.

Moral of the story… your morning routine starts with how you go to sleep.

Lot of new music today, you can check out our Beatportify Playlist on Spotify here.
This playlist is comprised of new releases from all of the labels and artists I follow on Beatport (I follow a lot).

If you only check out one project today, I would recommend Guy Gerber’s ‘Leave it On’ EP - spotify link

————-

* if you’re feeling particularly lost today, allow Michael Singer to bring you home. I listen to a ton of shit around spirituality and personal development and this podcast series is some of the most digestible wisdom I’ve ever come across.

Please do share with your people.
As you heal, I heal.

Michael Singer Podcast - Spotify | YouTube