Techno Tales: Oregon Eclipse (Lost in Flow & Mom Memories)

This was originally written in October 2017…
Soundtrack: The Misery (Nu and Pauli vs Acid Remix) links

4am.  Body covered in dust.  Legs sore from 3 days of aggressive dancing.  I’ve been recharging with rest since 8pm.  Vinny comes over and shakes my legs. Wake up buddy, it’s time to rock.  We prepare some tea w/whiskey and I make my 17th PB&J of the week.  I throw on my poncho, put a tab of LSD on my tongue and start walking towards the Sky Stage (deep house/techno). 

The journey through the decorated campground offers a beautiful abundance of creativity.  Loving vibes are flowing. We arrive around 4:30am and the dance party is already in full force. I start casually dancing to warm up my legs and mentally prepare to surrender to the music.

About an hour later and the LSD has kicked in. I’m in the zone, dancing my ass off.  I grab Vinny and emphatically ask who the fuck is this DJ? With huge eyes and a wide smile, Vinny replies Damian Lazarus has been on for an hour now.  

Oh Damian Lazarus. I’ve heard of you. I’ve even listened to some sets on SoundCloud, but this was different.  I was in full surrender mode, ego melt.  I don’t give a shit what I look like dancing. The concept of “embarrassment” is foreign in this moment. In fact, the concept of anything is foreign. I attribute that to a few things:  LSD, non-judgmental humans and magical music.

I’m relatively new to the music scene, and I love it.  Mexico introduced me to this community and the practice of letting go on the dance floor.  Dancing has influenced the way I live my life.  Quiet the ego and let your soul/true self do it’s damn thing.  When I’m able to do this, the flow state that ensues is pure bliss.

While dancing to Damian Lazarus, I had a clear mind to think about some things.  I thought about life and death, purpose, love, peanut butter and other things.  Occasionally, the music would slow down as Damian transitioned songs.  In these moments, I would snap out of my flow state, look around and think to myself holy shit, what a party.  

This allowed me to realize that I was “watching the movie”, whereas in the flow state I was IN THE MOVIE. My life goal is to maximize time spent in the movie. In the present.

The sun starts to rise and the light delicately blesses the trees of Ochoco National Forest. I start to cry.  This wasn’t a sad moment, far from it. I felt overwhelmed with emotion and when my brain tried to make sense of it, system overload.  Grateful for life as salty tears flowed down onto my smiling lips… still dancing.

Damian Lazarus wraps up his set and now it’s time to witness the Eclipse.  Imagine 40,000 loving, fully open humans walking to a field together to experience an unworldly dance between the Moon and Sun.  All smiles. 

Joints, water and hugs are being passed around on this joyous journey. I was fortunate to share this experience with the lovely people from my camp.  I love you all.  We get to the viewing area, a huge field, and set up a bunch of blankets to get cozy.  I wouldn’t say I was totally sober, but I certainly wasn’t tripping balls.  I felt very clear minded and happy to be with my people.  We sit down and I ask rookie question, but when there’s total coverage, we take these silly glasses off right?

Oh lord… no one had a definitive answer. You would think someone would’ve researched this beforehand.  Everyone assumed that someone else would’ve known. The next 3 minutes consisted of mixed advice.

Yea bro, you take em off at totality. 

YOU NEVER TAKE YOUR GLASSES OFF, YOU’LL GO BLIND! 

One thing’s for sure, I’m taking these fucking condoms off my eyes when Luna covers the Sun. Fuck outta here.

The Eclipse is starting.  Glasses on.  We can see the Moon slowly start to cover the Sun.  So smooth and graceful. This is going to take at least 25 minutes, get comfortable.  During this 25 minutes, we’re all chatting, making jokes, sharing our feelings. I started to hear a roaring sound in the distance, making its way closer and closer.  It was a bunch of humans letting loose and howling like wolves. A beautiful expression of our inner-animal.  I turned into a monkey every time those sweet sweet howls came by.

The Moon is now covering about 93% of the Sun.  You can feel the energy rising and the temperature falling.  The color of the sky was changing rapidly. Imagine a sunset in time lapse.  Surreal.  99% coverage and everyone is freaking out with anticipation.  Howls and monkey chants on full blast.

BOOM 100%.  No fucking doubt, the glasses were coming off.  I don’t know how to describe the scene other than it felt like another world.  Absolutely stunning.  Overcome with energy, I jumped up and ran around in circles.  About 2 minutes later, the sun starts to shine through, and it’s STRONG.  You hear a collective Ahhh fuck! from 40,000 high hippies, that was my favorite part.  Before putting my protective glasses back on, I admire the colors of the sky.  Sunrise time lapse was on and breathtaking.  I sit down, grab my glasses and prepare to watch the Moon slowly moving away from the Sun. I never could have anticipated what happened next.

I look up at the Sun and I’m instantly overcome with the feeling of my Mother’s love.  I couldn’t believe it. My Mom passed away in 2009 and I’d say I’ve had a very loving connection with the experience of her passing.  Coming into this Eclipse, I had no conscious intention of connecting with Mom. 2 seconds before looking up at the Sun, I was joking about my monkey alter ego. I didn’t look for Mom in the Sun. No. She found me, and it was POWERFUL. At first, I couldn’t look at it for more than 3 seconds at a time.  I didn’t know how to react to the energy it was offering. If I didn’t look at the Sun, nothing.  When I looked at the Sun, fuck… it was hard to process.  Now I’m crying intensely. This was more than tears falling down my face, this was a full body cry.  The people in my group had a good read of energy and let me have my space during this moment. I embraced it to the fullest.  I haven’t cried like this since the last time I visited Mom’s grave in New Jersey.  A rush of memories of her last days hits me.  I’m now analyzing vivid memories of Mom’s actions with my most up to date perspectives on life. God bless you Nikie Curac, you were a loving warrior and you set me up to succeed after your passing.  I’ve never felt so grateful in my life.

After about 7 minutes of floating down memory lane, I start to view the Moon/Sun with a new perspective. It wasn’t just Nikie Curac up there, this was WAY bigger than that.  It was a collection of energy that passed through all my resistance. Rattled to the deepest levels of my subconscious, scary hallways I can’t normally access. As a result, I felt the deepest love I know. I felt Mom.

I started to feel that this energy couldn’t JUST be “my Mom.” Your Great Grandma and Grandpa must be in that too. It felt like it was everything. What some call the source.

I’m only sharing my experience here, not trying to preach about the universe and how it works.  Who fucking knows.  All I know is that I felt what I felt and it was life changing. 

With a face full of tears, I look over to Vinny.  Look man, this is gonna sound crazy, but holy shit I feel my Mom’s energy.  He came over and gave me a hug.  Woah dude, the energy flowing through your body right now is INTENSE.  He could feel it.  It was nice to share that moment with someone who understood. Community is key.

Was Mom up there? Was it all in my head? Shit, who knows.  I think EVERYTHING is in my head, and this creates the life experience we label as reality. I’m grateful to have felt the feeling, it was such a beautiful moment for me.  On the walk back to the festival stages, I was sharing my experience with my new friend Mike.  In the middle of my story, the most unique, albino-lookin’-ass dragonfly hopped onto the front of my poncho and hung out for a 10-15 seconds.  I honestly thought it was a mini-drone at first, this thing looked crazy awesome.  As Mike and I admired our new friend, someone from behind says Yo man, that thing’s been following you for 10 minutes.

Mom, is that you?

Or maybe everything is everything.

What a time. What a life. All of my experiences encourage me to accept myself more and open my arms with love to the Universe. You are all a part of that, thank you.